After Ever After
by bluedragon03
Summary: A whole bunch of random and increasingly ridiculous "what if Zeref joined Fairy Tail" one-shots because as a legitimate plot point it's ludicrous but as a basis for a bunch of funny drabbles its perfect.
1. Streaker

***A/N- Zeref joining Fairy Tail would be a totally illogical plot point for the actual manga to use, but it certainly is hilarious to write completely ridiculous one-shots about, so here you go.**

 **X x x**

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I still hate you."

"Where are your clothes?" Zeref asked. He wasn't really surprised or worried by this young man's hatred of him, that was normal enough, but… why did he have to be naked? Natsu cackled.

"Don't worry about it, bro, Gray's just a pervert," Natsu replied.

"He's always been that way," Cana said, setting down the keg she was drinking from. Zeref's eyes widened slightly, was she really drinking all of that? He shook his head, deciding dealing with the naked one was enough for today.

"You'll get used to it," Lucy said. "The first time I met him he asked me for my underwear."

"..." Zeref didn't know how to respond to that.

"That never happened!" Gray cried.

"Yes it did!" Lucy replied! "Natsu stole your underwear and you were completely naked so you asked for mine!"

"Sounds plausible to me Gray," Levy commented.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure I remember that," Natsu said.

"Well how is it my fault if Natsu stole my underwear?"

"He wouldn't have been able too if you had been wearing pants in the first place," Lucy reminded him.


	2. Brawling

***A/N- Don't expect any of these too make sense, or to be completely in character, I'm just having fun lmao.**

 **X x x**

"Why?" Zeref asked. He scooted a little farther under the table he was hiding under with Lucy, who was peering out at the mayhem around them, looking exasperated.

"What do you mean?" She asked, glancing over at him.

"Why is everyone fighting each other?"

"Well I'm pretty sure it's because Natsu and Gray started arguing, and that pissed off Cana, who was trying to drink in peace, so she attacked them, but they moved and her attack hit Elfman. Then he jumped up and flipped his table, which hit Gajeel, who threw Gajeel into a crowd of people, and I don't know what happened after that because I decided I'd rather take cover than participate today."

"You people are crazy," Zeref breathed.

"Says the guy whose girlfriend is currently dominating the brawl." Zeref flinched and peered out from under the table to where Mavis was making a few of the guild members believe they were being pursued by rabid wolves. He shivered.

"I remember teaching her that one."

"Bet you're starting to regret that," Lucy joked, grinning.

"Only if she decides to use it on me." Lucy laughed, rolling her eyes.

"So are you gonna go out there, I've heard a couple of people say they want a go at you. Mostly Natsu."

"No thanks," he said decisively. "I'm not really much of a fighter." Lucy raised her eyebrows. "Okay so that was a lie but I'd still rather not."

"He might smell you out, you know, dragon slayers have really powerful noses."

"WHERE ARE YOU ZEREF, I WANNA KICK YOUR ASS!"

"I haven't seen him this eager to fight someone since the last time he challenged Erza," Lucy told him.

"And what happened then?"

"He was only unconscious for like a day that time."

Just then, the table above them started to move, and they both jumped, looking up as someone lifted the table off the floor and smashed it over Gajeel's head.

"Erza!" Lucy cried.

"Oh there you both are," she commented, looking down as she punched Wakaba in the face. "Sorry, did I steal your hiding spot?"

"It's alright," Lucy said. "It probably wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway."

"You're right," Erza said, "things are getting pretty wild in here."

"I thought they already were," Zeref interjected, looking bewildered.

"Not really," Erza said, "we've gotten much worse before. Usually I don't participate in these childish exhibitions, but I was in a good mood today." As she spoke she clotheslined Jet, who had been trying to charge at Droy. Zeref raised an eyebrow, his expression clear, _this is a good mood?_

"Aha!" Natsu cried. "There you are, Zeref, come out and fight me!" Natsu began wading through the chaos towards Zeref, who no longer had any place to hide.

"Sucks to be you!" Lucy called as Natsu dragged Zeref away into the crowd.


	3. Common Sense

"ALRIGHT WOULD EVERYONE SHUT UP AND GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT OF PEACE AND QUIET HERE?" Erza cried angrily, getting to her feet. The room stopped immediately, going completely silent.

"I don't understand why they all listen to her," Zeref said quietly to Natsu, "why are they afraid of her she doesn't seem that scary." He stopped dead at the terrified expression on Natsu's face.

"What was that, Zeref?" Erza snapped.

"Uh-"

X Three Days Later X

"So you're finally out of the hospital, huh, Zeref. D'ya learn your lesson?" Natsu asked as Zeref limped over to their table, held up by a sympathetic looking Mavis.

"You don't piss off Erza," Gray advised, "it's just common sense."

"Poor guy," Lucy said, "she really did a number on you, huh?"

"She's scary," Zeref replied.


	4. Drinking Contest

"Hey Z!" Wakaba exclaimed. Zeref started, he was still getting used to the nickname the guild members had given him, thinking it unwise to declare to the world they were working with the infamous Black Mage Zeref.

"What is it?"

"Cana's looking for you." Zeref furrowed his eyebrows, doing a quick mental check of reasons she could be looking for him. He didn't _recall_ ever killing someone she cared about, but he didn't recall lots of things, so it wasn't out of the question.

"Whoa, that's a scary face," he said. "Relax man, she probably looking to have a drinking contest." Zeref blanched. Wakaba laughed. "Looks like someone's already got an idea of how Cana drinks." Zeref laughed nervously, then turned around, meaning to sneak out of the guild before she saw him.

"HOLD IT!" Zeref froze, that was Cana's voice. "You are not leaving this guild hall until you submit to a drinking contest!" A few heads turned in interest, wondering if their newest recruit could hold his own in a drinking contest against the guilds heaviest drinker. _Oh crap,_ he thought.

"Um, I'm not really much of a drinker," he said as a couple of guild members seized him by the arms and pulled him toward the bar. Mavis was grinning mischievously next to Cana. _You traitor_ , he thought.

"No way! I want to see what kind of alcohol tolerance someone can acquire over four centuries!" Mavis could barely contain her laughter next to Cana. Zeref narrowed his eyes at her, no doubt she had been the one to suggest this.

"I didn't really spend that much time drinking, you know-"

"No he spent most of his time crying alone in the woods," Mavis teased.

"Mavis!"

"It's not like that was a secret," Natsu pointed out, "you were crying the first time I met you too."

"Oh yeah I remember that, you took one look at Natsu and started bawling like a child," Evergreen said.

"All you people are mean to me," Zeref grumbled.

"So anyway, you're going to sit here next to me and drink until one of us hits the ground."

"I'm actually a light-"

"Start!"

Mirajane set a tankard down in front of both of them and Cana swiped hers up and downed it nearly in one gulp. Zeref eyed his warily, thinking that this was going to be embarrassing. He didn't even like to _think_ about the last time he'd gotten drunk.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Loser pays!" Cana said.

"What?" Zeref cried, looking at Cana's four empty tankards. "This is hopeless!"

"Start drinking Zeref!" Natsu cried, "you're not just going to lay down and take defeat are you?"

"Drink! Drink! Drink!" The guild chanted. Zeref looked around at the smiling faces and thought it'd be a shame to let them down.

"I'm going to regret this," he said, then downed his first tankard.

X x x

"Oh wow," Lucy said, prodding the unconscious Zeref with her toe.

"Who woulda thought?" Natsu laughed.

"Pathetic," Gray commented.

"I can't believe this guy spent four hundred years on this earth and still gets blackout drunk from two tankards of beer," Cana said.

Mavis, who had been watching the entire spectacle with barely concealed delight finally burst, throwing her head back and laughing heartily. All eyes turned to her, bewildered, as she clutched at her sides, clearly knowing something the rest didn't.

"What's so funny, first?" Natsu asked.

"You guys are so silly," she laughed. "When I first suggested this to Cana I didn't think it would work, but I'm so glad it did!"

"You mean you knew he was a light weight?" Gray asked.

"Of course I did," Mavis chuckled, "I just wanted to embarrass him!"

"I still don't understand how he can be such a light weight after four hundred years," Cana said, looking down at him, muttering in his sleep.

"Zeref is a scholar," Mavis said, as if that explained it all.

"So is Freed, and he doesn't pass out after two glasses of beer."

"Yes well," Mavis continued, "Zeref moved into his school when he was just a child, after Natsu and his parents were killed. He spent his entire life studying to revive Natsu, so he never spent any time drinking. It makes for good pranking. I remember once when he was teaching me magic he had, like, one swig of whiskey and started acting like an idiot. Too bad he passed out, I was hoping to get some pictures of him sobbing all over people. He's a sad drunk."

Natsu cackled. "Nice one, first, I like the way you think!"

"That's just sad," Elfman said.

"I think it's cute!" Mira said brightly, wiping down a beer mug.

"You think everything is cute!" Natsu pointed out.

"Mavis stop being mean to me," Zeref mumbled.

"...Okay, so that is sort of cute," Lucy said.

"I promise I won't stay out past bedtime again Invel…" Mavis snorted.

"Score!"


	5. Lullaby

***A/N- Okay but do you guys remember how weak and pathetic lullaby was in comparison with the rest of the demons from the book of Zeref? Because I do and it's a source of endless entertainment for me.**

 **X x x**

"Thanks for letting me come along!" Zeref said, looking happier than he had in a long time.

"Well when the first master asks you to do something, you do it," Natsu said.

"She said she was tired of you moping and needed some time alone," Erza said.

"She said that?" Zeref asked, looking affronted. "I don't mope that much!"

"Uh-huh," Natsu said.

"Face it, Zeref," Lucy said. "You're an angst machine."

"Am not!"

"Are so," Erza chimed in. "You're even worse than Jellal."

"How is he, by the way?" Natsu asked.

"Mopey."

"Ah."

"I don't know what you're talking about! I'm happy all the time!"

"Name one time!" Natsu challenged.

"There was that time when you had a nightmare when Mom and Dad were away and you had a nightmare so you came to sleep with me!"

"You mean four hundred years ago?" Gray asked.

"Can't you name one time this century, at least?" Lucy asked, looking mildly off-put.

"Umm…"

"Why don't you give that some thought and get back to us?" Natsu said.

X x x

"So what is this job, I forgot to ask?" Zeref said, edging away from Natsu, looking disgusted. "And how come _I_ have to deal with Natsu and his barf? I changed his diapers, _my_ turn is over."

"Was Natsu a cute baby?" Wendy asked. Zeref nodded.

"The cutest."

"Some monster is terrorizing some village somewhere," Gray said, "so we took the job to save them."

"Oh, what kind of monster?" Zeref asked. _I hope it's not one of mine._

"Maybe it's one of yours," Natsu grumbled. _Ugh, I was hoping nobody thought of that._ Zeref chuckled nervously.

"Maybe."

"Well if it is then I'm not lifting a finger to slay it, it's your problem," Gray said.

"I'll help you!" Wendy said.

"If it's just the same to you Wendy, I would prefer you stayed away from any demon summoned by this man, or have you forgotten that both of us nearly died defeating one of them during the war with Tartaros?" Carla said, eyeing Zeref with distrust.

"Aww, but what if it's one of the weaker ones?" Wendy asked.

"Yeah, that demon flute Lullaby was pretty weak," Gray said, "Wendy could probably take that one out on her own no problem."

"What's a Lullaby?" Zeref asked, confused. "Like a song you sing to make kids go to sleep?"

"You mean you don't remember?" Lucy said. "Oh man, that was the first job Erza, Natsu, and I took as a team."

"Yeah, it has been a while hasn't it?" Gray said.

"What's Lullaby?" Zeref asked again.

"You mean you don't remember? It's one of your demons," Erza said. "A flute enchanted to kill anyone who hears it."

"Are you sure that's one of mine? I don't remember any killer flute, I'm not really musically inclined."

"Yeah, and it turned into a giant demon and started, like kicking down mountains," Lucy added.

"...Are you making this up?" Zeref said, his eyebrows drawing together. "If you're going to try to play a prank on me at least make the lie reasonable. I wasn't born yesterday."

"No!" Gray said, "It was real! And we beat it by punching a bunch of holes in it so it couldn't play it's song!"

"That sounds pretty fake to me," Zeref replied dryly. "Maybe try a bit harder next time."


	6. The Pamphlet

***A/N- cry baby Zeref is my favorite Zeref headcanon**.

X x x

Natsu walked into the guild hall to what was now a very familiar and unalarming sight. Zeref was crying. Again. At first people were vaguely alarmed by this, but soon grew used to it. Natsu learned to read what type of crying Zeref was doing based on Mavis's expression. When she looked kind and comforting he was crying for some valid reason, like mourning is past sins or realizing the entire world hated him for the fifth time that week. If Mavis looked slightly amused he was crying because he was happy and overwhelmed. Today she looked exasperated and patted his head noncommittally, which meant he was crying for some ridiculous reason, and Mavis was just humoring him because he "has a lot of feelings."

While he was standing in the doorway trying to decide what to do Mavis looked up, made eye contact with him, and mouthed 'help me.' He took a bracing breath, and walked in their way.

"There, there," Mavis said. "It's alright. It's alright."

"But they're so innocent!" Zeref whined.

"Hey, bro, what's going on?" Natsu asked, sitting down gingerly. He had yet to become as skilled as Mavis at comforting him. Zeref sniffed and looked at him, and Natsu did his best to look comforting. Once when he'd grinned at Zeref while he'd been crying and Zeref started crying harder and Natsu had decided to err on the side of caution from then on.

"Did you know thousands of puppies every year are abused by their owner?" Zeref asked, looking equal parts devastated and outraged. "They're puppies Natsu, they haven't done anything wrong! They're so pure! They're so full of love!" Natsu gave Mavis a disbelieving look, and she just shrugged exasperatedly.

"He's been doing this ever since some animal rights activist handed him a leaflet. He started crying at the picture of the abused puppy on the front."

"I think Zeref is right!" Chimed in Happy. "Abusing animals is a horrible crime!"

"How exactly did you manage to become the most evil sorcerer in history?"


	7. The Living

***A/N- I am a very serious author who only writes serious fiction where all the characters are totally in character all the time. (Totally unrelated note, I am so glad my nose does not grow like Pinocchio when I lie.)**

XxXx

"You-you're not serious," Zeref asked, looking from one grim face to another. No one reacted. "You've GOT to be kidding me." Still no one spoke. "So you're telling me you went to the trouble of building a tower-"

"He didn't build it he just took it over," Meredy offered.

"It wasn't finished when he took it over so he had to complete the construction," Erza pointed out.

"Right," Zeref continued. "So you took over the tower, finished its construction, and enslaved a bunch of people all to resurrect me."

"Right," Jellal said.

"And not once, in all of those years, did it occur to you to check and see if I was maybe… I dunno, _still alive?"_

"Obviously not," Jellal replied, looking peeved. Zeref was silent for a moment.

"You're not too bright, are you?" Jellal leapt to his feet like he was about to punch Zeref, but they were all distracted by Natsu falling into the floor, doubled over with laughter.

"Oh my god I can't believe it," he wheezed. "It's a good thing you're a good guy now because you were not so great at that bad guy stuff." Erza chuckled and the tension was broken, and Jellal took his seat again, looking less mutinous.

"So why'd you do it, if you don't mind me asking?" Meredy asked.

"Do what?" Zeref had done a lot of things in his long life.

"Become evil."

"Well it's not like I meant to!" He exclaimed, feeling defensive. "I got cursed when I resurrected Natsu and it just sort of… happened over time."

"He fell for love!" Richard commented, predictably.

"See! Richard gets me!" Zeref said.


	8. Its Funnier When its not Happening toyou

"Why am I always the designated driver?" Zeref whined.

"Because you don't drink, so why make anyone else miss out on all the fun?" Natsu replied.

"Jellal doesn't drink either, if it makes you feel any better," Meredy offered.

"Really?" Zeref asked, hoping he'd finally found someone who was a lightweight like himself. "Why?"

"I just don't," he said vaguely.

"Oh he's not allowed, he gets really scary when he drinks, kinda like his alter-ego. Y'know, the one he used to torment Erza."

"Does he really?" Erza asked, intrigued. "I've never seen him drink actually."

"Oh yeah!" Meredy exclaimed excitedly. Jellal's pained expression only fueling her delight. "I wouldn't have known his alter-ego was like that but Ultear told me. He got really intense and started planning world domination."

"It wasn't that bad," Jellal grumbled.

"Yes it was!" Meredy sang, "it's the same reason we took away your chess set."

"Hey! You asked me for one of those!" Erza said.

"Don't buy him one!" Meredy warned. "It was _super_ freaky."

"You're just mad because you lost," Jellal retorted.

"No I'm just mad because you had this evil grin and cackled when I moved my rook then you said 'MWAHAHAHA YOU'VE JUST SEALED YOUR FATE AND PLAYED RIGHT INTO MY HANDS'," she replied in a crude impression of Jellal.

"I never liked chess," Zeref commented. Jellal looked scandalized.

"Hey, do you remember that chess set you had next to that ridiculous throne in the Tower?" Erza asked.

"You saw that, huh?"

"Yeah, what was that about?"

"Well it was enchanted to tell me what was going on in the Tower! It told me when Juvia and Lucy beat Vidaldus Taka!"

"Who now?" Lucy asked.

"Do you mean the guy with the hair?" Juvia asked.

"Yeah, the guy with the hair."

"He was weird," Lucy said.

"Yeah," Juvia agreed.

"Am I the only one thinking it would have been more practical for you to have just installed surveillance lacrima. I mean, you'd think a guy like you would have a little more security," Gray offered.

"Yeah but I liked the chess set!"

"Evil Jellal has a flare for the dramatic," Meredy said gravely.

"He really did," Erza said. "There was this whole dramatic reveal where he told me he didn't actually have a twin brother. Siegrain was just an illusion." All eyes turned to Lucy when she spat out her drink, unfortunately all over Mira's face.

"Oh my God Mira I am so sorry, but I've just remembered."

"Remembered what, Luce?" Natsu asked, looking vaguely disgusted at the spit and drink on Mira's face. Lucy turned her evil gaze on Jellal, and he knew he wasn't going to like what was coming next.

"You made the Weekly Wizard most eligible bachelor list, Jellal," she said, eyes glinting.

"Wait, what?"

"I remember because you made second place! You even placed above Loke! There was a little biography of you, well Siegrain, and everything. Oooh, I bet I still have it too."

"You know what I believe you, you don't have to prove it," Jellal said, feeling his face heat up. The last thing he needed was for Lucy to find that issue and discover that he had, in fact, even given an interview. The teasing would never stop. But alas, his fate was sealed.

"You know what, I remember Loke giving an interview for that," Erza said, turning on him. Her gaze was even more frightening than Lucy's had been. "Did you give an interview Jellal?"

"Um no?"

"I KNEW IT! YOU DID!" Erza cried.

"Luce you're hoarding has finally come in handy!" Natsu cried.

"Hey!"

"I say we grab Lucy's copy of Weekly Wizard, get drunk, and make fun of Jellal!"

"AGREED!" The guild chanted, Zeref included.

"Actually guys," Levy said, "The guild catalogs every copy of Wizard Weekly where we are mentioned, so we have that issue right here!" At the absolutely horrified look on Jellal's face Zeref threw his head back and laughed. Several heads turned, it was quite a rare sound. Upon realizing most eyes were on him he blushed faintly.

"Sorry, but it's just _so_ funny when it's not happening to you."


	9. The She Devil

***A/N- This one accidentally ended up a little more sweet and a little less ridiculous. I know, I know, I should be ashamed of myself. XDXDXD**

* * *

Zeref found that he quite liked Mirajane. She had a welcoming smile and was always kind to him. At first he would sit in the furthest corner of the guildhall, as far away from other people as he could. Usually Natsu and his friends would go out of their way to leave their usual place in the thick of things and keep him company, but on days when they were out on a job he liked to sit at the bar and talk to Mira, who never seemed put off by his presence, and even corrected other guild members who were unkind to him. He was surprised by the chilling effect her chidings had on people, she was so sweet! He first realized how much he liked her one day when they hid behind the bar during a brawl together.

"Zeref sweetie," she had cooed, "you might want to move, your little brother is getting rather animated with Gray, and I'm afraid you're right in his line of fire." Zeref turned to see Gray and Natsu forehead to forehead and shouting angrily.

"Oh, um," he said, looking around for a place to hunker down in case of an all out brawl.

"It's okay, you can hide behind the bar with me."

"Really? You don't mind?"

"Of course not, there's plenty of room for both of us." Zeref did as he was told and ducked behind the bar just as debris started flying.

"I couldn't help but notice you don't really like participating in brawls," Mira said, continuing to wipe down beer mugs like nothing was happening, occasionally ducking to one side to avoid a black eye.

"I don't really like to fight," Zeref said, preparing for her to laugh, like most people did. He was the most famous dark wizard of all time, even he realized it was a silly statement for him to make, but she only nodded.

"I don't either anymore." She saw his incredulous look and smiled. "When I was younger I was even more aggressive than Natsu and Gray. Erza and I fought all the time!"

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah!"

"I can't imagine you fighting like Natsu and Gray do," Just then there was the sound of whooshing fire and demented laughter, and Zeref winced. "I _swear_ our parents taught him to be civilized." Mira chuckled endearingly.

"Oh I think it's cute. Besides, Natsu's dad taught him to always be honest about his feelings, and I think that's all he's ever tried to do."

"Maybe I should have given him to a different dragon. Wendy certainly knows how to behave."

"That must have been hard for you," Mira said, finally sitting down next to him, and looking sympathetic.

"Actually, the waiting for him to come back was worse. Four centuries of waiting feels like, well, four centuries."

"I can't even imagine, we only lost Lisanna for a few years, but they were the longest of my life."

"Your younger sister Lisanna? What happened to her?" Just the previous week she'd sat with him and told him about Elfman's pet parrot. Zeref sat quietly for a few moments after Mira finished her story, thinking about how much those three siblings had suffered. In a way, Mira's alleged change made more sense to him. After all, after Natsu died had he not gone through the exact same change but in reverse?

"I'm so sorry," he said.

"Oh don't be sorry. That's all over now, we have her back, and our Edolas selves got to enjoy her company while she was with them, so I guess it worked out well. Their Lisanna died at the same time ours was hurt, so we think the Anima was trying to fill a void in its world."

"I had no idea about any of that," Zeref said.

"Well you've only been here a little while, and almost all of us have been here since we were kids. The guild hall was like our home, and Master Makarov kept taking us in and teaching us magic, so we're all like one big happy family." They continued chatting pleasantly for the rest of the brawl, and Mira offered Zeref some really good advice.

* * *

It wasn't until a few weeks later when Zeref Dragneel realized the true terror that was The She Devil, Mirajane Strauss. Zeref was sitting at the bar and Natsu was having an animated discussion with Gajeel about who would win random fights in the guild.

"Okay how about Mira and Laxus?" Natsu asked.

"Oh dear," Mira said good naturedly.

"Mira, absolutely. It's not even fair," Gajeel said. Mira chuckled.

"Wait, I'm confused," Zeref chimed in. "Didn't you tell me it took the both of you to beat him?"

"Yeah, but I did most of the work," Natsu said.

"You did not!" Gajeel protested.

"Speaking as someone who has been on the wrong side of Mirajane before, she would win," Freed chimed in from Zeref's other side. "Especially after Tartarus."

"What about Tartarus?" Zeref asked, with the same sinking feeling that came around every time someone mentioned the town where his books lived.

"Well haven't you wondered where all your so called unkillable demons went, genius?" Gajeel asked. Natsu, now looking slightly green, finished the thought.

"Mira ate them. _All._ " Zeref pushed his chair away slightly in terror, feeling that the pleasant smile on Mira's face was more sinister than comforting.

* * *

 ***A/N- Remember how sure Zeref was with how impressive his demons were? Imagine his reaction to finding out Mirajane fucking** _ **vored**_ **them.**


	10. Chess

A/N- I bet y'all will be able to tell I ain't know anything about chess from this chapter, I just thought this would be funny XD.

* * *

Zeref may have exaggerated a little bit when he told Jellal he didn't care for chess, the truth was he did but he didn't care for who he became when he was feeling competitive. Unfortunately for Zeref, and the rest of the guild, he got roped into playing a little "friendly" game of chess with Jellal. At least, that's how it started. It ended being the reason there was an eternal ban on chess within the walls of the Fairy Tail guild.

* * *

"I'm not so sure," Zeref said nervously, sitting down across from Jellal. A few people looked on curiously as the game was being set up: Mavis who, if she was being honest, was still irked about Jellal's noteworthy loss on Fairy Tail's behalf in the Grand Magic Games and may or may not have orchestrated this entire event to see what Jellal had been like to be one of the Ten Wizard Saints; Erza, who was curious to find out if Meredy was telling the truth about Jellal reverting back to his old self while playing; Freed who only bore an interest in chess and expected this to be a rather good game; and Lucy, who was hoping sorely that neither of the men before her would cause unnecessary damage to the guild hall.

"Too late to back out now, you've already agreed! No one else will play with me!" Jellal said.

"Because you're scary!" Meredy cried from the opposite side of the guild hall. She had cleared out quickly when Jellal had sat down at the chess table. "Nope!" She'd said, throwing her hands in the air. "NoPE! I do not want to be anywhere near this when this goes off!"

"Come on, Zeref," Mavis said, and he winced. He hated it when she had that look of mischief in her eyes. Something bad always happened. And people say he's the evil one. At least he'd never gotten her sloppy drunk in front of the entire guild. "You know you're good at chess." What exactly, he wondered, is your angle, Mavis?

Jellal opened the game, choosing to play with the white pieces. Zeref wondered if this was a jab at his reputation as "The Black Mage." Immediately after Jellal removed his hand from the piece Zeref thought this move was folly, and thought he had Jellal's entire strategy figured out in his head. These new dark wizards are all the same, he thought, all brawn and no brain. Then he caught himself, whoa there Zeref, calm down. He took hold of a piece and was about to move it, when he happened to glance up at Jellal's face. Holy shit, Zeref thought. He's scary.

His eyes were narrowed in concentration, somehow looking down on Zeref even though they were sitting down. His lips were split into an evil smirk and his eyes were glinting with a darker form of the mischief Zeref hated to see in Mavis so much. Darkness clouded the air around him. But more than that, it was the condescending look Jellal, as if Zeref were about to play right into his hands. Oh, we'll see about that. He ignored Mavis's hissed 'yes!' as a small smirk played on his mouth, and he moved his hand to another piece.

To his left he could feel Lucy's nervous energy building as she shifted away slightly. Mavis's delight was only feeding Zeref's mood, while Erza sat to Jellal's right, a sea of calm in the torrent of emotions. When he moved his piece Jellal's aspect lit up, and he laughed. Not the light chuckle Zeref had become accustomed too, but a louder, darker cackle, and Zeref knew this game was going to be fun. He tilted his head back and laughed his own laugh, and the nervous energy around him skyrocketed. Apprehension shown on every face, even Erza's, as Jellal and Zeref both leaned in, glaring at each other over the tops of their chess pieces, ready for a challenge.

"That's alarming," Jellal said, though he didn't sound alarmed. His voice was loud and demanding, and much more fitting to his current demeanor than his normal tone. "I thought Natsu was exaggerating when he said you're eyes turned red, but they're positively scarlet. How intriguing." Somewhere in the distance Natsu shouted "I told you so!" and Zeref smiled.

"I must say, I wasn't expecting you to have so much dark energy. In another lifetime we might have been good allies." Even now Zeref's voice was quiet, though it cut like a razor and it oozed with menace.

"I doubt that," Jellal said, "I don't think I could ever be friends with someone as soft spoken as you."

On the other side of the hall, Mirajane had seen the ever expanding dark aura and began evacuation. Some of the more faint of heart guild members were filling out, while Natsu scoffed.

"What're y'all afraid of Zeref and Jellal for? They ain't bad guys anymore!" Someone hissed something under their breath to him and he scoffed. "Whatever, I've kicked both their asses before." Zeref chuckled and returned his attention to the game, where Jellal had just made a rather clever move.

"You guys are going to regret this," Meredy said, approaching with caution and looking vaguely sick. Jellal laughed.

"I'm having fun."

"That's the problem."

* * *

"I think a permanent ban on chess in the guild hall was a bit much," Jellal said, and Zeref winced.

"You broke the table, Jellal," Erza reminded him.

"Natsu breaks stuff all the time!"

"I thought Zeref was gonna explode a death cloud again," Natsu said.

"That curse was broken," Zeref told him.

"You tried to send Freed into the shadow realm for interrupting you," Erza said.

"I'm still sorry about that," Zeref said, casting an apologetic look at Freed at the next table over.

"Jellal, you tried to make Zeref think he was in some weird nightmare realm!" Lucy said. "I didn't know you even knew illusion magic."

"Jokes on you, my entire life is a nightmare," Zeref said. Mavis rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, we only just finished repairs to the walls you broke. Why was that even necessary?" Lucy asked. "That area of the guild hall is still condemned because they haven't got the safety inspector to look at it yet."

"How did Macbeth even get those black eyes?"

"He always looks like that," Jellal said, "he just wears too much makeup!"

"I'm glad I wasn't there," Wendy said, "it sounds like it would have been scary."

"The lifetime ban on chess holds," Erza said. "Meredy was right, we learned our lesson."

* * *

A/N- I thought I published this a long time ago, oops. Sorry About that.


	11. Young Man

Once Zeref had been at the guild for a while he began to feel a bit more comfortable teasing the other guild mates back when they teased him. All action in the guild halted the first time it happened. Natsu had been needling Zeref all day and apparently Zeref had had enough.

"You'd think a guy as old as you would cry a little less."

"All the fire you eat might be the reason you're head is full of hot air."

Complete silence fell.

"Zeref did you just… burn Natsu?"

"Natsu doesn't burn, he's a fire mage," Zeref said dryly.

"No, that's a phrase that people say," Wendy told him helpfully, "it means you made fun of him and it was funny." Zeref blinked in surprise.

"These young ones and their weird phrases," Makarov, shaking his head wearily.

"What a mood," Zeref replied.

Since this event Zeref's favorite form of teasing had become calling Makarov 'young man' and to speak to him in the way an aged grandfather would to his young grandchild.

"You know maybe if you spent less time whining and more time working the guild could afford a box of tissues for you," Makarov said, hoping that maybe some tough love would help Zeref start getting out there more.

"You had better watch your mouth when you speak to me, young man. You know back in my day we were taught to respect our elders."

"I'm hardly a young man, Z, I'm eighty years old."

"I remember eighty. Oh to be young and think I have all the answers."


	12. Novelist

"Hey Zeref, can you help me with something?" Zeref looked up in surprise at Lucy, who had turned distant eyes on him, her face still smudged with ink as her hand rested protectively over the tall stacks of paper that were her newest novel. Lucy almost never asked anyone except for Levy for help with her novel.

"Of course."

"This novel is set in a historical setting, and I can't find anything about the time period it was set in, can you tell me what the world was like around the year 400? Apparently one of your demons destroyed a library full of most of the scholarly texts of the times."

"Oh, yeah," Zeref said, surprised, "I remember that, I can help you!" Lucy smiled gratefully and pulled a clean piece of paper closer to her and began asking questions.

"Boy Lucy you sure are Lucky that Zeref is older than dirt!" Natsu said, throwing his arm around her shoulders and knocked her arm forward so that it left a long trail of ink behind it.

"Natsu!" She cried, while Zeref gave him an annoyed look.

"What's your book about, Lucy?" Gray asked.

"It's a young boy who is forced to go on a quest to save the world, except he is a really big cry baby."

"Ha!" Natsu said, "he sounds like Zeref!"

"Actually," Lucy said apologetically, looking at him, "he was based on Zeref."

"On me?"

Mavis laughed loudly.

"That's amazing, what is he saving the world from?"

"Umm…" Lucy said, for some reason casting another apologetic look at Zeref. "He's fighting against this really powerful man who creates monsters that have killed millions of people."

"Oh," Zeref said, blinking in surprise.

"He's also based on Zeref," Lucy finished.

"Geeze, Lucy, why are you writing so much about Zeref, are you in love with him or something?"

"No way!"

"Hey, don't sound so horrified by the prospect!"

"Can it, Zeref, I have _standards_!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"


	13. In Charge

***As ususal, I didn't proofread this. Lmao.**

x x x

"Look, I'm at the Guild Masters conference, just put whoever is oldest in charge!" Makarov hung up the communications lacrima and silence resounded through the guild hall.

Surely,he'd forgotten that Zeref was now a member of Fairy Tail. _Surely_ he hadn't meant for _him_ to be in charge.

Slowly all eyes turned to Zeref, who had stopped crying when everyone turned to him.

"What?" He asked, sniffling.

"Maybe it won't be so bad," Lucy suggested.

"He _was_ king, wasn't he?" Levy added.

"Are you talking about me?" Zeref asked.

"He _is_ the oldest," Freed said, "although master might have meant for Macao or Wakaba to be in charge."

"No way!" said Wakaba, "I don't wanna be in charge of you idiots! Z was emperor for like eternity, it's not like he can destroy the guild in a week."

"What are you guys talking about?" Zeref asked, taking the tissue that Lisanna passed him and wiping his eyes.

"You probably couldn't hear over the sound of your own sobbing," Gray said, "but Makarov just told us that whoever in the guild is oldest should be in charge while he was gone."

"Oh… that's me!"

"Alright, who is second oldest?" Natsu asked.

"Probably you, which is objectively worse," Erza said.

"What do you mean, worse? I'd be a kick ass guild master!"

"If it's Master Makarov's order we don't really have a choice, but I think you'll do great, Zeref!" Mira said.

"Thank you!" He replied indignantly, starting to catch on to the others lack of faith in him. "I _was_ emperor you know!"

"Be honest, how much of your work did Invel do for you?" Mavis asked.

"He just ran things while I was away! You know we were a really successful empire before we lost the war!"

"A war you started," Gray said.

"But couldn't finish," Lucy continued.

"Well it's not like we're going to war! I'll be good at this, just you guys wait!"

* * *

Two days later a Hall collapsing scale brawl broke out, and it was up to Zeref to break it up. He didn't know giant magic like Makarov used to break up fights, but he had half a millenium of magic experience he could use to scare these little shits straight.

Zeref moved a few plates out of his way and climbed onto the bar, apologizing to Mirajane, and faced the brawl.

"That's _enough_ ," he cried, amplifying his voice with magic. He caught a few people's attention.

What to do, what to do?

Zeref tucked his hands behind his back and smiled, letting his illusion radiate out from around him. Darkness fell, surprising all but the most involved of the fighters. Shadows prowled at the edges of the room and Zeref closed his eyes and began a deep chuckled from his belly, trying to remember how he laughed when he was evil. He started off quietly and got louder, because he thought the effect was nice, and he opened his eyes again, now glowing red.

"You fools, you really thought I was your friend, didn't you?" All action except for Natsu and Gajeel, who were trying to tear each other apart, halted.

"Holy shit," someone whispered.

"He's- he's just pretending, right?"

Zeref hopped off the bar and walked slowly across the room, his shadow illusions flanking him. He reached the still brawling pair and cast a binding spell. Both men froze and fell to the ground. Yato grabbed them both by the ears and dragged them out of the guild hall by their ears.

"Bad dragon slayers get punished," he growled. The door slammed behind him.

Once outside Zeref released the spell. Almost at once Natsu tackled him to the ground.

"What the hell was all of that, man?"

"Well you guys were getting out of hand! In a few minutes I'll go back in and everyone will still be freaked out enough to clean up!"

"Is that how you did things in Abarless?"

"No, they're better behaved than you."

* * *

Makarov returned four days later and was met with the most enthusiastic welcome he'd ever received.

"Master, thank God you're back!" Jet said.

"I can't believe you left Z in charge, he's so scary," Droy added.

Makarov looked from the group to where Zeref was standing, black marker all over his face, and yelling at Natsu, who was obviously the culprit. He looked close to tears, as usual.

"Right…" Makarov said.

 _The guild hall is spotless, though, maybe I should leave him in charge more often if he's able to control this lot._


End file.
